Navigating Through A Lack of Support
In my upcoming book, The Coaches Connect Volume II, I talk about some of the different emotional setbacks (disappointments) we experience. We may not realize it, but this one sets us back when we have expectations of people, and they do not come through.
Initially, I had the mindset that friends and family are not your target audience, so don’t expect them to support you. After some deep reflection, I had a shift in my thinking concerning this. A journal entry helped me to realize that I made this excuse to avoid facing how I felt about not being supported. My feelings surrounding this topic had deep roots, and it took some time to surface the origin of this thought process.
I can stand in my truth today and say that the support I longed for from my family I never received, and it wounded me greatly. I put myself in a position to not attain my dreams to avoid anyone not showing up. After some time, I did things here and there, but I did not share too much with others. I felt that sharing would create an obligation, and I did not want to be let down.
After posting the tweet below, my coach reached out to me to further explain my feelings about this tweet.
I explained to her how difficult it was to see, considering the treatment I received during difficult times, but my daughter needs a wig installed, and she gets it without question. It does not matter what she needs; they are there. My mother over concerns herself with what was going on with my daughter while she made to feel like complete crap. I had to figure things out on my own and show up for myself in ways that exhausted me.
After the talk with my coach, it turned into a podcast episode where we dove deeper into why this was. Support withheld from me but available for my child does not mean someone has grown and they are making up for it. Let's quickly debunk that foolishness because supporting my child does not heal my wounds.
Once I did some inner work and stop getting caught up in expecting someone to support me who had no interest in my well-being, I focused on my mission. As I focused, healed, and used my voice, my support came. My support showed up through mostly people I did not know, my coach, my therapist, and a host of others. We continue to support one another and life has been great. Putting my focus on who was not there was a hindrance, and I would allow nothing to hold me back any longer. I went forth, and who came, they came. I took notes because I would no longer be in spaces where reciprocity was not on the table. If you know me, you know I have shown up for people only to be left in the dark by those very people.
Here are some things you can do and journal prompts to help you navigate through the disappointing feeling of not having people show up for you:
- Acknowledge that you are hurting.
- Define support. What does that look like for you?
- How long has not being supported been an issue for you?
- What have you done in the past when no one showed up?
- Make a list of who you expect to support. Are they aware of what you have going on? Have you communicated your needs?
- Write who consistently shows up. Are the names on the first list different from these?
- If the names are different, ask yourself why aren’t you focusing on who shows up? Why are you putting energy into who is not there?
- If you support those who do not support you, ask yourself why do you continue to be in one sided relationships?
- Invest in a coach.
I hope the information shared helps you get to the root of the disappointment you are facing. Ive been where you are, and with some redirecting, you too can navigate through and overcome this adversity.
Click this link, LaToya Nicole Inc., to:
● Join my private Facebook group
● Sign up for my email list
● Schedule a FREE Discovery Call
● Order my books or journals
● & More
The Coaches Connect Volume II
A Guide to Navigating Through Adversity