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Showing posts from November, 2020

I Abandon Myself For Others

  Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash   Have you found that the same things we say we lacked as children we also do to ourselves? We abandon, reject, neglect, and sabotage ourselves in more ways than I can count. Deprived as children, and we continue this in our adulthood. Judge yourself and do the inner work. If we took the time to study ourselves, we would become aware of dysfunctional habits that do not serve who were are or where we are going. I felt abandoned as a child and in my intimate relationships. Whenever a relationship did not work, rejection hurt more than anything because I relived how it felt when I first experienced it. The pain grew more intense over time, which resulted in me isolating myself to near death. I was in a state I did not want to be observed, so I hid. I did not wish the child-like state I was in to be seen by anyone, especially the one who hurt me.   Although I felt this way as a child, I grew to think that if I tried more, worked harder, made sure ever

The Isolated Trap

My contribution to the anthology, In Spite of It All, was about my battle with isolating myself during some of the most challenging times in my life.  I was hurting so bad vocalizing the pain would have sent me into a state of shock.  It wasn’t just the current pain but the pains that erected from my past in combination. All of it felt familiar; the faces were slightly different. I had not taken steps to heal, so it felt like I was a little girl crying for someone to save me with every encounter. Isolating is a form of self-sabotage, and it kept me circling for years. Every time I shut myself off, it was harder to break free. I stayed away long enough to feel a little better; decluttering my space, and journaling helped me exit the pit, but I did not stay out of it. These modalities help to a degree.  Depending on the severity of your pain, you should seek counseling too. A combination of all three will get you out and help you maintain your freedom. It is not to say you will not go th

The Perfect Time

  Photo by Kevin Ku on Unsplash Let's admit it , waiting for the perfect time has created cycles of procrastination in our lives. Procrastination is the act of delaying or postponing something. This continuous delaying tactic is a form of self-sabotage that I will touch on in another article. How much have you delayed because the time was not right? Someone shared with me that they are confident in their ability to succeed, but they must have everything lined up before taking a step. I asked, what if within five years you are still saying that? Silence struck the room. It was entertaining watching the person wiggle out of that one. I have been here, I was that person, but I healed, grew up, and made the first step. I was the person who needed enough money before I made a decision, but amid the worse financial season of my life, I built a business. There was no support when I started. I believed, and everything I needed made its way to me. If nothing else encourages you, be encoura

Who Gave Seed To This Sower?

 Photo by Mustaches Cactus on Unsplash I started a business for my daughter about three years ago. She is very creative, a great cook, and a baker. As her business took off, I recall her missing events from time to time because she failed to follow my organizational plans or had customers who could not pick up on time. She'd missed gatherings, and so did I. Let's not excuse that as her mother assisting her in building my social life was strained. Several people within our family had negative things to say concerning her running a business at her age. One of the negative sayings was, "let her be a child." I often wondered what that meant, so I asked only not to get a response that made sense. These people felt that my daughter was missing out on life because she was always working. I read of children younger than she was at the time with several businesses. It was crazy to hear people who worked and expected the oldest child to watch all the siblings say this. So, if