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Roots of Pathological Lying

  I was in a relationship with a person who was in one with another woman our entire relationship. He took her around his family just as he did me. He spent significant time with each of us, winning and dining. The moment we discovered one another, he lied and pretended so well that it was Academy Award-winning. I was crazy and aggressive, and she was an ex who couldn’t take no for an answer. There was no acquaintance with honesty at all. The root was so profound; I felt there was no hope. He lied so much I lost my ability to believe anything he said. He lied without effort about those things I knew was true. I had receipts, but he had a story behind them that made absolutely no sense. However, he kept lying. Life sentencing evidence, but the lies continued. Lying came naturally, more so than telling the truth. I knew then I was dealing with a pathological liar. It can become the liar’s everyday life, to the point where their whole existence is a fabrication. This level of lying is usu
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I Became Who I Needed

  What I Do   My name is LaToya Nicole. I am a Bestselling author, Certified Belief Therapist, Life Coach, and organizer.  The name of my company is SOLO Coaching & Consulting LLC. I am virtual, so although I reside in Louisiana, my reach is not limited. In my practice, I have successfully integrated counseling, coaching, and organization to help clients process setbacks, get to the origin of stagnancy, and move forward with their goals and desires.  There is a direct link between a person's mental health and the area where they spend a lot of time. Hiring me as a coach means we would declutter first to lay a solid foundation to build on. Organization was my first love. Years ago, I was on track to building an organizational company that would empower others to maintain organizational health. Still, I had not yet realized the inner work I needed to invest in before making that leap.   At that time, nothing worked out. I stopped before I could start, and life became a viciou
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How Uncertainty Puts You In Bondage

  It is imperative to be sure about who you are and your purpose in life. A clear vision will keep you focused on your destination leaving little room for exits that take you off course. Growing up in a household with dreams more significant than what you are experiencing can be challenging; when you share them having your light dimmed causes doubt to creep in, and before you know it, uncertainty has shaped your life. You no longer feel you are capable of anything but what you saw: households without husbands, men who are upheld by their mothers in their error, daughters who don’t know their fathers, and another generation of dysfunctional patterns. At some, you will feel this urge to go higher, yet the chains remain. What do you do when someone else can recognize your ability but your heart stills hear “you will not amount to anything”? Imagine desiring so much more while the grip of becoming a product of your environment has you in chains? You want to believe, but your mind operates
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Discomfort Is Necessary For Your Success

  Photo by Bailey Littlejohn on Unsplash Most people don’t know much about the process of actually committing to their life dreams and goals because most people don’t keep most of their agreements. Most people add a silent, unconscious modifying phrase to all their commitments: “...as long as it’s not uncomfortable.” What they are saying is I want to stay in my comfort zone. I want to achieve my goals, but I do not want to change anything I am currently doing to get what I want. There has to be another way. I will pray that it happens. Anything we desire requires movement. When we are afraid to move, momentum is lost, and we get stuck. Your mindset has nothing to do with an external entity but everything to do with the polarity you operate.   Discomfort is one of the values of commitment, one of the reasons for committing in the first place. Within us is an automatic goal-fulfillment mechanism. When we commit to something, we are telling the goal-fulfillment mechanism, “I want thi
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How To Stop Going In Circles

Photo by Monika Pejkovska on Unsplash Does anyone remember that song by The Friends of Distinction? Here are the lyrics if not:   "I'm an ever rollin' wheel, without a destination real I'm an ever spinning top, whirling around till I drop Oh, but what am I to do, my mind is in a whirlpool Give me a little hope, one small thing to cling to You got me going in circles (oh round and round I go) You got me going in circles (Oh round and round I go, I'm spun out over you) I'm a faceless clock, with timeless hopes that never stop Lord but I feel that way, of my soul, my soul is stay Oh but what am I to do, my mind is in a whirlpool Give me a little hope, one small thing to cling to You got me going in circles (oh round and round I go) You got me going in circles (Oh round and round I go)"   I did not realize how depressing that song was until now. I heard it a lot growing up, and it was one my grandmother played often. It has been well over ten y
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You Have Not Because You Ask Not

  I know we pray to God and expect God to go to someone and tell them we are short on our light bill and need help paying it. I adapted that way of thinking after being taught; that is what was required. I learned I had to go to God when I needed something, not people. God touches people when we cry out to Him. Being new to the religion, I did this until loss taught me better. Have you ever asked for help and was told, “I will pray about it?” I have! But I never heard back.   My own family made me feel like a burden, although I didn’t ask for much. It was okay to take from me, but I needed a reality check when I hit hard times.   As long as I had something to offer, I was loved, which may be the root of why I gave so much in relationships. If you grow up with family predisposing you to this, more than likely, you will adopt this as a way to be accepted and loved. During some of the most challenging times in my life, I was alone. My tears became my meat as I waited until my daughter w
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I Abandon Myself For Others

  Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash   Have you found that the same things we say we lacked as children we also do to ourselves? We abandon, reject, neglect, and sabotage ourselves in more ways than I can count. Deprived as children, and we continue this in our adulthood. Judge yourself and do the inner work. If we took the time to study ourselves, we would become aware of dysfunctional habits that do not serve who were are or where we are going. I felt abandoned as a child and in my intimate relationships. Whenever a relationship did not work, rejection hurt more than anything because I relived how it felt when I first experienced it. The pain grew more intense over time, which resulted in me isolating myself to near death. I was in a state I did not want to be observed, so I hid. I did not wish the child-like state I was in to be seen by anyone, especially the one who hurt me.   Although I felt this way as a child, I grew to think that if I tried more, worked harder, made sure ever
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