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They Don’t Believe in You, Yet They Expect You to Save Them

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Yes, I know that sounds strange. How can someone doubt you, dismiss you, and even dislike you—yet, when life turns against them, they look to you for help? I can use my own family as an example. They have never supported me. In fact, it took me until my thirties to fully accept that they don’t even like me. And yet, when they needed someone to listen, someone to guide them, someone to save them—I was the first person they called. The Hypocrisy of Their Need After my grandmother passed, suddenly, I became the one they all turned to. The very people who doubted me, who never poured into me, who made it clear I wasn’t “going to amount to anything” needed me. They needed my strength, my wisdom, and my presence. But they will never admit it. They won’t acknowledge the harm they caused because doing so would mean facing the truth of how they treated me. Instead, they pretend it never happened, hoping I will forget too. Hoping I will put my hands out to pull them up, despite the fact that t...
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Boundaries Are Not Toxic—They Are Necessary

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I recently dreamed about boundaries, which gave me a deeper understanding of their importance. In the dream, I was in my home, hosting guests. To my surprise, some of those guests had invited their own guests—without my permission. Feeling overwhelmed, I stepped away to gather myself before addressing the situation. But when I entered my bedroom, I was shocked to find someone lying in my bed . Immediately, I confronted the relative who had invited them. I firmly stated that not only was it inappropriate to bring people into my home without asking, but allowing them into my personal space—my bedroom—without my consent was utterly unacceptable. The room fell silent as I spoke, and then an older man, whom I didn’t even know, chimed in to call me toxic for asserting my boundaries. That’s when it hit me—this relative had been discussing me with these people, which explained why they felt entitled to disrespect my space. Family and the Lack of Boundaries One of the hardest lessons I’ve had...
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Why I Stopped Sharing My Personal Life: The Truth About People Who Listen to Respond, Not to Understand

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Are you someone who struggles to open up? And when you finally do, you're met with people who listen just to respond rather than to understand . If so, you’re not alone. I encountered this so often that I eventually stopped sharing my personal business altogether—at least, not in real-time. Instead, I only talked about my experiences after going through them, processing them, and healing. This was not because I didn’t want support but because I realized that many people aren’t genuinely listening to help; they’re listening to compare, judge, or satisfy their curiosity. The Danger of Sharing with the Wrong People At this stage in life, I’ve learned that no good advice can come from someone who isn’t happy in their own life. It’s a harsh truth but a necessary one. Many of us are surrounded by people who present themselves as put together, yet their lives are in complete shambles behind closed doors. You start to notice this pattern when they finally get comfortable enough to share t...
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The Emotional Closet: When Unspoken Pain Overflows

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We all have an emotional closet —a place where we stuff the pain we don’t want to deal with, the disappointments we pretend don’t matter, and the heartbreaks we tell ourselves we’ve moved on from. At first, we think we’re managing just fine. We push things aside, pack them away, and keep moving. But over time, that closet becomes so full that one day, it bursts open—and when it does, the damage spills over into every part of our lives. The Weight of Unacknowledged Pain When we refuse to acknowledge our pain, it doesn’t just disappear—it festers. It seeps into our thoughts, our relationships, our bodies. We might find ourselves easily irritated, emotionally exhausted, or distant from our loved ones. Physically, stress from unprocessed emotions can manifest as headaches, fatigue, high blood pressure, or even chronic pain. Ignoring what hurts us doesn’t protect us—it slowly destroys us. And the longer we pretend we’re fine, the heavier that emotional load becomes. What Happens When the Cl...
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Rising Again: How to Get Up When Life Keeps Knocking You Down

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Last year, during a period of deep reflection, I found myself thinking about one recurring theme in my life: I have continuously gotten up after being beaten down, time and time again. I’ve been beaten down by family who should have protected me. By so-called friends who turned their backs when I was no longer useful. By the church, where I once sought refuge but instead found judgment. By relationships where I gave my all, only to be discarded. And in my career, where my value seemed conditional—appreciated until it wasn’t. At one point, I felt like I had a target on my back. No matter what I did, it seemed like the moment I was no longer beneficial to someone, I was cast aside. The sting of writing these words reminds me just how much I’ve endured. But more than that, it reminds me of how much I have overcome. How Do You Rise When Life Beats You Down? One step at a time. One foot in front of the other. Even when it feels like the weight of it all might crush you. There was a time whe...
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Love Lessons: What Heartache Taught Me About Myself

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Love has a way of teaching us lessons we weren’t ready to learn. Some of them are beautiful—like the joy of deep connection, the comfort of feeling understood, and the warmth of shared laughter. But others? Others come wrapped in pain, forcing us to confront parts of ourselves we never knew needed healing. I’ve learned that love isn’t just about who we choose—it’s about why we choose them, what we ignore along the way, and whether we are truly ready for the love we say we want. The Red Flags We Ignore Become the Pain We Endure Hindsight is always clear, but in the moment, we often silence the little voice inside that tells us something isn’t right. We brush off inconsistencies. We excuse their lack of emotional availability. We justify behaviors that don’t align with our values, convincing ourselves that things will change, that love will soften them, that maybe we are the problem and just need to be more patient and understanding. But ignoring the truth doesn’t make it disappear—it...
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Breaking Free: How I Unlearned the Need to Prove Myself

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  For years, I lived in a cycle of chasing validation from people who never saw me— really saw me. The adults in my life never believed in me, never encouraged me, or made me feel like I was capable of anything worthwhile. Instead of accepting their perception of me, I worked tirelessly to prove them wrong. I took the initiative to do things beyond my years, things I thought would finally make them look at me with pride instead of indifference. I wanted them to say, Wow, look at what she did! —to acknowledge that I was good at something, that I had value. But instead of validation, I was met with scorn. Every attempt to prove myself led to disappointment. They yelled at me, belittled me, and made me feel small for trying. The very people whose approval I so desperately sought were the same ones who tore me down the hardest. And yet, their rejection didn’t stop me from trying. I kept going, year after year, getting hurt in ways that left deep scars. It took me a long time to reali...
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