From Survival to Clarity: Why I Don’t Save Anyone Anymore

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"I Figured It Out — Alone"

There's a particular type of pain that doesn't come with loud noise or drama. It's the quiet kind. The kind that creeps in when you're forced to figure out life's darkest moments yourself.

I know that pain well.
I've lived through battles no one saw.
There were no backup plans. No safety nets. No one checking in.
Just me, my daughter, and the weight of the world.

And while it made me stronger, it also hardened parts of me.

People like to talk about independence as if it were a badge of honor. And yes, being self-sufficient is powerful, but what they don't tell you is how lonely it feels to carry everything alone. To cry with no one hearing. To break and still have to show up the next morning. That kind of solitude changes you, not just your strength but your trust, your openness, and your ability to believe someone will actually show up when you need them.

That's why in relationships, it often shows up like, "She doesn't make me feel needed."
But the truth is, I don't know how to need anyone anymore.
Because needing people before cost me too much.

In friendships, I hold an unspoken rule:
Don't ask me to do anything you wouldn't do for me.
And 100% of the time, I won't ask you to do anything because I've learned not to expect anything.

There was a time when I made it my mission to save others.
 I showed up. I poured in. I carried weight that wasn't mine.
Why? Because I knew how it felt to be abandoned. To be left in the dark.
So I didn't want anyone else to feel that way, not on my watch.

But then I woke the hell up.

I realized I am no one's savior but my own.
If I made it through the fire without resources, handouts, or a life raft, surely someone with tools can figure it out, too.

I've been left to drown without a life jacket.
So don't expect me to come out in a boat to rescue you.
Swim. To. Shore.

I've spent too much time putting out fires for people who wouldn't hand me a glass of water.
That season? Over.

I'm not cold. I'm just clear.
Clear on who I am.
Clear on who's worth my energy.
Clear on the difference between support and self-sacrifice.

I figured it out.
And so can you.

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