History Repeated
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The Set Up
A relative convinced everyone
I was the devil. She typically started a fight when she was ready for me to get
out of her house. So, when everything popped off, I started packing. As much as
I could, I put in bins and sat outside. She prevented me from coming back
inside for my child by blocking the door with her body. Several times I asked
her to let me get my baby, but she refused. She hit me in my chest, shoving me;
three times, I warned her not to put her hands on me, and then it happened. She
did it again.
We fought, and someone called
the police. The family member told the police I had attacked her, and they
almost believed I was the aggressor because only my hair was a mess, and she
was bleeding. Playing the victim, she told them she would not press charges
because of the baby. She never mentioned she started the incident. I later
learned that's how narcissists operate. While I stood in the rain with my
newborn, waiting for a ride, she devised a plan. To prevent me from being
helped by everyone she knew I might go to, she got to them first to tell them I
attacked her and that she saw the devil himself manifest. It was another
situation I had to figure everything out on my own and dig myself from a dark
pit.
Family members threatened to
kill me if I ever came to their homes. Imagine your aunt saying, "you can't
be as evil as they say with such a sweet baby." I was in total shock hearing
her say that with a puzzled look. This same aunt brought up the incident of me
being accused of being the devil over ten years later. The damage was already
done; there was no need for me to explain my side at that point.
No one reached out to help me,
but they never did. My family's thoughts concerning me were set in stone. It did not
matter what I accomplished; somehow, one of them would subtly try to destroy
it. Every time they saw me, they thought I was the devil thanks to her, so it
was Christmas to them when my daughter had challenges with my choices. They
waited patiently for proof to back up that relative's story. They waited 17
years for the opportunity. It was time to take me down once and for all by my
daughter.
The Unfolding
Some people do everything in
their power not to be what happened to them. They try to do things differently
because they do not want to become the person who hurt them. Have you changed
locations, got away from family, cut everyone off, and lived a different life
from the one that traumatized you? I did these things.
I did not know about trauma
and our subconscious mind then as I do now. I was unaware that it did not
matter where I moved; those who hurt me were present because the impact my
family made on my life was still in me. It was much later when I started
therapy to uncover that I had not escaped them as I thought. When my daughter
broke down, it hit me head on that what I suffered; she was predisposed, and we
both should have been in therapy early on. I was late for the party, and
because I was so late, it almost destroyed our relationship.
I did not treat her like I was
treated, which was obvious. Jealous family members hated it, so they did what
they could and planted seeds to destroy what we had. It had been their plan
since she was a baby. I found out the same relative was speaking to her nastily
about me, and when I would come home, my daughter was afraid of me. Someone I
called family would intentionally call other relatives so they could hear my
daughter screaming to make it seem like I was abusing her. I was not doing anything
but asking her what was wrong because I was so confused. I left my baby to go
job hunting. She was afraid to see me after I came back. I lost all trust in my
family, being around my daughter without me.
Later, it was all revealed
through several dreams, but who could I tell? Who would believe me? How do I
plead my case when everyone thinks I am the origin of evil? As I write this, I
feel saddened by the treatment from people who were supposed to love me. My
family taught me that being born into a family meant nothing. I realized I had
to create my family with people who genuinely wanted the best for me. It has
taken a long time, but I think I have a few I can say this about.
My daughter battled depression and suicidal ideations just as I
did. What surprised me the most was that I was a target of destruction in her
moments of pain. She found comfort in my abusers as they sided with everything
she said. It was a moment of celebration for them. When I was her age, I was
love bombed and forced to reconcile.
My daughter had help in the destruction of my character. I can
honestly say, and you can quote me, that my family never liked me. I have
accepted that and moved on with my life.
It took rebuilding trust and hearing one another for us to get
back to a good place. Every day we are growing and accepting of the people we
are. The sting of what happened lingered for a while, but it has faded. I won't
ever respect adults who attempt to ruin relationships between a mother and
child because they are miserable, but I love my baby and would still put anyone
in their place for messing with her. I hate that history had to be repeated,
and she had to experience depression, lack of confidence, suicidal thoughts,
and giving up on her goals, but she did and is much better now. She reopened
her business and is attending a culinary arts school. I raised her alone, and
despite that storm, I did a damn good job through adversity.
Journal Prompts:
- What
did you experience as a child, and what are you seeing similar in your
children?
- Have
you and your family had counseling to work through your inner-child wounds
and how they affect your children?
- Do
you talk to your children about how they feel?
- Do
you allow them the space to cry?
- Is
the father in the picture? How do you think that makes them feel?
Thanks for reading. I hope the
information shared helps you discover what's limiting you and the steps to take
to overcome it.
Visit my website for more
information on products and services: S.O.L.O. Coaching & Consulting.
Follow me on Amazon to be
alerted on new books and journals Author LaToya Nicole.
Tune in to my podcast where I
dismantle limiting beliefs and expose toxic family dynamics every Tuesday, Tea
& Talk with Toya
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