Identity Theft, Wide Awake Part III


They have to mimic you because there is nothing there.



I know, Sis, no one believes you. The narcissist has painted a picture that they are an incredible person—I’ve been there, done that! What amazed me was how those who have known me for years believe the words of a narcissist they had only known for a short period. What that said to me was they were never for me or knew me.

I questioned my sanity, listening to how well my friends and family spoke of the narcissist. That charm and hero complex hooked them; they knew how to save the day, go out of their way, and pretend enough to convince everyone of one thing while they mentally and emotionally abuse you. Imagine them helping everyone until they are short on cash, then taking it out on you. I completely understand how you feel. Sadly, I have experienced this treatment within my relationships with men, ministry, and friends. Yes, you read that right. Those in the church hide behind “touch not my anointed.”Most of them are leaders and those who are favored. Run while you can. I grew tired of being provoked then called crazy the moment I reacted. I took so much to avoid being lied on; that sting remained since I was a teenager, but it had to come out. I’d bore too much. Focus on your mental health and heal, Sis.





The Setup


You are constantly introduced to the representative initially; a well-trained narcissist can pretend for a long time. I learned that I overshared in relationships—some things they do not need to know too soon. Do not talk about your past issues or traumatic experiences you have experienced. Hire a therapist. I remember the narcissist shared his trauma with me early. Now I know that was a way to get me to open up to use against me. Please do not fall for it.

When you hear or see something off, go with your gut. The best advice I can give you is to remain consistent in paying attention to the inconsistencies. Listen when they share stories. They will say it is other people, but it is them. They will only give you 10% truth; the remaining 90% lies. If your gut tells you to RUN, do so. At some point, they will ghost you; block them then. Do not allow them to love bomb you; that is a tactic to come back for them to do it all over again. If a woman creates a fake account to question you about him, that is your queue to go. He does not need to explain a damn thing. We have to get familiar with not needing an explanation to trust what our intuition tells us. Do not abandon yourself as I did for years. Oh, and they will never post you. They have to protect the feelings of the ex-lovers and the new supply. These people cannot disconnect, so trust me when I say you are in a web of fuckery.



The Mirroring


Honestly, when you meet them, you meet the person they recently discarded. Once I caught on, I recall thinking she must have been smart because our conversations were terrific until there was nothing left to say. I am constantly evolving, I read a lot, so I can always talk about something new. However, his knowledge of things seemed limited after a while. Before I understood what happened, I thought he was losing interest and did not want to talk to me anymore. I went from mentally stimulated to wholly drained as if something was sucking my energy. Then the day came, he was me. I thought I heard a recording. This man started talking like me and using the same phrasing as I did. The guy quoted my very words; he acted like me and spoke as if he had acquired the knowledge himself. I could not believe my ears. Everything you do, they mirror you. It was disgusting to hear him talk to his family about things I shared with him. I looked so deeply at him with shock in my eyes that I started to see through him. Like the vampires they are, they will suck your essence from you. These people are cesspools for dark energy. Low vibrating people open themselves up to darkness. Narcissists are below low vibrational; catch that!


Mirroring is one way to tell if they have a new supply. When they start talking to you about things, you know they don’t know, and you did not indirectly teach them. With every relationship, they are a new person. Narcissists have no identity; they pretend to be everything you desire. They study their subjects like a book and make all the right moves to hook you—no goals or desire to do anything with their lives but ruin the lives of good people. Of course, you will think they have it all together until you stick around long enough to find out it was ALL a lie. A great mistake I made repeatedly was listening only. Listening must accompany observation of actions if you want balance and see who people are before you get in too deep. The rollercoaster ride they take you on will have you floating on a cloud one day and in a padded cell the next.


This behavior is deeply rooted in the generations. I can not explain the level of deprivation they have experienced that brought them to this point. They, too, have been emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, and sexually abused at the hands of loved ones, often their mothers. She has stripped them of love. She has taught him everything he knows; she broke him to make him suitable for her, and in his forties, she still controls him. He cannot express how he feels or tell her she is wrong. She makes him feel like hell is his resting place for not sticking with her abusive ass but not for how he treats another woman’s daughter.


And guess what? If he has children, he does this to them also.


Stay tuned for Part IV, Dear Mama.



Thank you for reading! If you have experienced any of what you read and want to share your story, please email me at I would love you have you as a guest on my podcast Tea & Talk with Toya. If you know anyone who can heal by writing about it, please share this blog with them. I can assist them with writing a book or starting a blog SOLO Coaching & Consulting. I have a private Facebook Group Soul Conversations where I talk in-depth about experiences such as these; join if you need a safe space and strategies.









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