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Dear Mama, Wide Awake Part IV

 I allowed a man to reduce me to feeling like I was the most unattractive, disgusting, unworthy woman in the world. And the way I felt inside showed up in everything I put my hands on. I needed to detox more than ever. The very men I have been escaping since childhood, I ended up with a version of them in every relationship. The ones whose mother broke him so well he would never be fit for a woman. She emotionally abandoned him, leaving him for us to deal with his detachments. She ruined him and continues to by not holding him accountable. When will enough be enough? They are so holy, yet they assist with destroying every woman their son brings home. If she can control you, you will be well-liked, but the moment you do not stand for her toxic, patriarchal, manipulative bullshit, you are the enemy. She is the queen narcissist, and she taught him to be just like her. She love-bombed him from the beginning tightening the grip constantly. He fears her, so in those moments where he can see how she has destroyed him, he will not say a word. Because of her, he can look at us smiling and not feel one ounce of care for us. She was probably his first kiss. She did it herself if she did not encourage him to have sex with an older woman as a child. This is why she will always be his woman. She is the legitimate side chick. She is the one who will never leave his side and will welcome him with open arms once you realize he is damaged goods and send him packing. He will never be fit for anyone’s daughter. The damage is beyond repair, and you can thank his mother for that.


Dear Mama,

 This is not Tupac’s version so listen carefully. Someone should have addressed you a long time ago, but your destructive behavior continued since no one held you accountable. You destroyed your son; he detests you, and he has sought to hurt you through every woman he encounters. He is nasty. His hygiene is poor, and he will sleep with everyone because of the voids you left there. To make you proud, he brings them all home to you, even if it is several in the same month, so you can see how well you taught him. Even then, you do not accept him because you want him for yourself. You sabotage every relationship because to think someone can give him the love you never gave terrifies you.


You control your son, making him a suitable match for you. He wants your attention, your affection, your love. He knows it exists, but he can’t seem to understand why you have none. If he does not divorce you subconsciously, he will die alone. Women are catching on, and no one will put up with what you are proud to call your son. If he remotely starts to think for himself there, you will make him feel low. All that talk in church about Jezebels, and here we have women behind the men who operate like this. Did you know I caught him starring at me when I turned over during a nap? Yes, that is when I found out he knows your other tricks. Clearly, your lineage operates in complete darkness, and there is no hope for any of you. You better tell your son to be careful because the next one may not be like me. He may not make it out well. You have set him up for failure, and when he runs up on the right one, you will not be able to save him. 


We are expected to submit but look at what you have given us. The day he exited your womb, you set out to destroy him; we have become the casualties of war. All you “my son” this and “my son that, shut up! You have nothing to be proud of. I am sure most will agree you can take him and never return. You have left him with something he can’t heal. You killed him before giving him the chance to grow. Someone should whoop your ass for what you have done. You are no better than the master that taught you. Look at you singing church songs, paying tithes, Lord this and Lord that. That won’t save you. Do you think what you have sown you will not reap? Or do you casually skip over that part? You believe God for everything except to make you a better person. Do you not know you are not a good person? Oh, yeah, I forgot, you people know how to convince everyone that you are. Dang, for a moment, I forgot he learned that from you. Maybe we need to start meeting mothers early to know what we are dealing with because I don’t need you to approve of me. When women say they are the gift, exclude yourself. You are not a gift raising a curse, sorry not sorry. You should never be proud of yourself. This detrimental behavior will continue to live because no one has sense enough to put an end to it. Well done, Mama. We do not want this! We don’t you’re your sons anymore, and we are not tolerating you. Do you realize your sons choose successful women to mimic only to destroy what they have built subtly? This is all you, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Someone should have told you to keep your legs closed too.


These are the signs and symptoms to look for when dealing with a selfish man operating in dark masculine and dark feminine energy:


  • Move fast in the relationship
  • Love bombing
  • Triangulation
  • Future Faking
  • No accountability
  • Unhealed Traumas
  • Controlling
  • Gaslighting
  • Inconsistent
  • Emotionally Unavailable
  • Lack Remorse
  • Jealous


You can keep that, ma’am. That’s all you!


Next week I will dive deeper into signs and symptoms to wrap up this series. I pray that something I have spoken about has helped you realize what you are dealing with if you have found yourself questioning your sanity. Please share with others who may need help identifying what is happening in their lives. 


How to connect with me:

Join my Facebook Group, Soul Conversations where we will host meetings to further process emotional pain. 

Visit and subscribe to my website, SOLO Coaching & Consulting

Follow me on Instagram 

Tune in to my weekly podcast, Tea & Talk with Toya


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