Flawed Measurement of My Strength
Why is my strength determined by how much you put me through?
Did you watch your mom break time and time again only to embrace him once again?
Was that strength to you?
How many times must I cry a river and torpedo inside?
I am vital to you because you cheated, and I took you back.
I am capable of you because I raised our child in lack.
I am stable to you because you deliberately abused me psychologically, and I did not break.
You don’t see the damage as I have learned to pretend well. Maybe my ability to act is a strength.
When will my strength be measured by my success and not my pain?
You don’t understand how many times I wanted to take the easy way out.
How many times I stood over you as you slept, wanting to put your lights out.
How many times I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t say goodbye.
That does not mean I am strong; it is a weakness.
But your mother did it, you say.
When will you admit you despise her?
She distorted your view of all women; you have convinced yourself otherwise because you don’t want to feel that way about your mother but look at how you treat me.
Your actions towards me are a reflection of what you wish you could do to her.
You know she was weak; you are mad at her for staying that long, but the conditioning whispers to walk away is soft, so you call me tenacious because I remain.
Dysfunction is all I know, so I assumed it’s love, I’m not too fond of it here, but I have nowhere else to go.
Why has pain become the ruler to measure a black woman’s strength.
What is strength anyway?
Is strength power?
So why am I not sound because I have acquired and applied knowledge?
Why isn’t my ability to think for myself declared strong?
I am building something to leave my children’s children. Is that not strong?
So, I am only tough when in pieces caused by a man’s hammering, I forgive repeatedly?
Deeply entrenched in our community are perverted views of forgiveness.
The real forgiveness belongs to me for staying.
I am walking away now; strength chooses to heal and leave you with your baggage you won’t unpack.
Strength says no more tearing me down; I choose me.
My strength will not be measure by how much toxicity I can bear before I break.
Strength stands tall and says no more.
Thank you for reading!
You can find me on Facebook in a private group Unaltered Voices where we take freedom in speech seriously. Hope to see you there.