I understand that we have done things a certain way for so long; a different direction scares the life out of us. As cliché as it sounds, there is no way to get a different result doing the same thing. I came to realize this. I judged my life and the circles I was going in. I could pinpoint when I would be up, and the moment I would sink, year after year. Then one year, I decided to break the cycle. I did not care what anyone thought about what I was doing or my investments; I did what I needed to for myself. You will have to get to that point also if you want what you want. I had to make one of two choices, give up or fight. Too often, we choose to give up rather than fight for who we desire to be. During the process, I learned I had to do it solo. There was no tribe initially; I, myself, and my will to want better for my life. Don’t get me wrong, I grew upset when there was no support, but I could not blame anyone for not believing in me if I had no hope in myself. We can only expect people to believe in what we have constantly shown them. Yes, we love crowds, but the wrong one can hinder you rather than accelerate you.
In all of that, one of the biggest mistakes I made was not being accountable. Yes, I have experienced a lot at the hands of others, but in some situations, I saw it coming, and rather than avoid the moving train, I stayed on the track. In those situations, I blamed others for hitting me. I was like, but you saw me, so why didn’t you detour? When another person travels North to destruction at a dangerous speed, they will not stop because it is you. Only when they have taken control of their lives and gotten some help will they hit the brakes. Most of the time, we see this in people, but for some reason, we think because “it’s me,” they will do better. WRONG!! You were a casualty; own it, learn from it and heal. The moment I started being accountable was transformative. It is a beautiful thing sitting with yourself, taking accountability, and diverting.
Accountability is about being responsible. When 2+2 is not adding up in your life, acknowledge that your math is off rather than try to explain away the problem or blame someone else for your math. We get what we put in, and there is no way around it. If I clocked in on a job every day and failed to do what I signed up for, losing my job resulted from my actions, not anyone else’s. Understand in life there are rewards and consequences; once we are clear about each in every area of our lives, we can be clear about expectations in those areas and make sure we show up in each.
Some of us are stuck in patterns because we refuse to take accountability. I am a life coach, so I often see how I will give clients the play to succeed, but their limitations keep them from running the ball. Coaches are cheerleaders, and we will cheer you on, but there is so much we can do if you won’t even try. Giving up before you try out has everything to do with you, not your coach or any person in your life attempting to motivate you. Imagine having failed at something a few times, and by the time you connect with someone who will grant you access, your feet are cemented in the past. You do not want to invest, and if you do, you fail to prioritize the investment. I use to do it, so not only do I know doing something different works, I know that those who are willing will eat the good of the land.
Make a choice today to take your life back by accepting what you have allowed. Do not judge yourself harshly, be compassionate and honest about it. Remember, the truth sets us free, so stop being dishonest with yourself. I know it is super easy to project your shortcomings onto others, but how far has that gotten you? How far have your old ways gotten you? It is about time that all things became new. Start with a tiny change at a time to build momentum. If you keep that up, you will rejoice at the difference.
Steps to being accountable:
1. Be honest with yourself and others
2. Admit when you are wrong
3. Maximize your time and manage it carefully
4. Stop playing the victim
5. Learn to apologize
6. Stop making excuses
7. Understand that your life is yours
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