Have you ever wondered why you stayed somewhere longer than you should have? I was thinking about this a couple of months ago. I have stayed in relationships far longer than I should have, and I kept asking myself why. Out of the blue, I heard the answer, and it made so much sense. Most of us are conditioned to believe that to love and be "loyal" means sacrificing yourself for others' shortcomings. If you have been in church any length of time, you are familiar with Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. If you are in the Christian community, you are aware of Jesus being the savior of a sin-sick world. This construct has taught us that this is love, right? We believe that we are to express love sacrificially, so we bear the weight of another person's behaviors towards us as a measurement of our love and loyalty. On an unconscious level, many of us are not aware that we are acting like Jesus. You are NOT Jesus!!!
Here we are in another situation causing hematidrosis, a condition in which capillary blood vessels that feed the sweat glands rupture, causing them to exude blood. Yes, like Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane. Hematidrosis occurs when too physically or emotionally stressed. I have experienced this type of stress in working relationships and intimate, but I stayed because walking away was not God, and my faith was considered weak. Choosing myself meant that I was not faithful; because Christ laid down his life, it meant that I too had to lay mine down. I may not have sweated blood, but the monthly hemorrhaging grew worse. Our bodies have a way of telling us when to get off the cross, but we do not listen. We go back and forth because we think we are someone's savior, so we remain in situations that will bring us to near-death experiences before we come down. I am starting to believe religion shuts down the side of our brains, where we think logically, but that is another blog.
Here we are, on the cross, with the power to come down, but we refuse because that would make us a quitter. We have been verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually, and spiritually abused, yet we fail to come down. The crying out every night to God, why is this happening when we had the choice to enter, and we have the option to exit. People blame God for not removing the nails from their hands to free them from across; they chose to bear at an alarming rate. We have taken charges, fought other women, pulled guns, and ran people over, yet we refuse to come down. We have borne children, raised them mostly on our own, yet we refuse to come down. How much should a woman take before she comes down, or should she stay and give up the ghost? We are praying, asking God, "why have you forsaken me" as if we possess no power to come down. This is a question one would ask when they have no idea how they got in their position. We have completely given up our ability to make decisions because we are waiting on God to tell us everything. Does God ask us to brush our teeth, take a bath, eat when we are hungry, go to work, or pay the bills? Do we pray before we put gas in the car when we are empty to make sure it is okay? Why do we do so when we know we need to stop sacrificing ourselves for people who won't lay down their lives for us? We have lost so much of ourselves staying in situations too long it takes twice as much time to restore.
Before writing this article, I recalled something someone shared with me. Many years ago, I spoke with a lady who told me she forgave her abusive husband because God had forgiven her of so much wrong she had done in her life. I recall thinking, what have I gotten myself into because this is not adding up. I was new to the Christianity scene, and in my mind, I wondered about a God who would be okay with abuse. Something seemed displaced, but at the time, I could not put my finger on it. That was not the best story to share with someone new in the faith. I could not fully understand her reasoning, but as I thought about situations I chose to stay in, I found I wasn't different from her. I nailed myself repeatedly to crosses I should have never given myself over to. Once I started Christianity, it only became worse because now, I felt like to not suffer was not God's will. It is a dangerous position to be in when we have taken a book translated by women-hating, pedophilic men to live by. Have you ever read the Willie Lynch Letter, the beginning of the book honors King James? Have you researched King James? Since this letter, we have been under significant attack, and it has proven its power thousands of years later. If I told someone the Bible was used to enslave our people, somebody would label me a heretic, but I digress. Read your Bible, but read and decode it properly.
If you feel your relationships have been one crucifixion after the other, it may be time to unplug from the matrix and evaluate some things. This is not to say growing together with people will be easy, but you should not feel depleted with every encounter. If you feel reduced to a state you are not naturally in, it is time to come off the cross. If you feel a part of you dies, then you are on a cross; you should not be on. Try crucifying these thought processes and resurrect a mind that is not fragmented. We have lost the ability to think. 1+1=2, but we are so conditioned that if someone else in some authority position says it is 4, we are going with it. It is okay to unlearn to learn. We have so much clutter holding us back; it is ridiculous. Piles of junk we have been taught that is not serving us. Honor your foundation, but it is time to grow up in our thinking. The recent pandemic should have taken us all to a level of thinking that would change our lives, but most of us spent more time whining over not going in a building; we missed that the Kingdom is within. It's time to come off the cross.