Skip to main content

Overcoming Feelings of Unworthiness






As I evolve in my learning, I realize what I believe affects me emotionally and my behavior. If my thoughts towards myself are off, emotionally, I will be off producing off behavior. There was a time I believed I wasn’t loveable. There was a parental love I wanted so bad, but I did not get it. Yes, years later, I understood my parents loved me in the capacity they received love, but at the moment, I felt rejected and confused. I had a great understanding then that love was not supposed to make me undergo the levels of pain I felt in relationships, so when I kept getting the same thing, I began to internalize that as I wasn’t worthy of love. This thought process haunted me, and it affected every relationship, intimately or socially. I gave all of me away because if I’m not worthy, why bother with the other stuff. All of me physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I was never there for myself. It was about what I believed and the hope that maybe they will possibly love me if I keep sacrificing myself. It changed nothing! I’ve felt trapped, unable to breathe, wanting to scream because I wanted so much more. I received the bare minimum because I accepted it, and I bought it because that’s how I felt about myself. It felt like prison time after time after time.

 

I later found I Am Loved! Yes, I discovered self-love.  Getting to know myself was my first step in understanding love.  As I continue to walk this path, I am finding everything is falling in place.  I align with love, self-love.

 

 

There was no blueprint for me to follow in understanding what love was. I tasted time after time hurt, which I thought was love, but once I healed and understood I deserved better, I still questioned if love was in the cards for me.  Why do we assume love requires catastrophic emotional hurt?  Who taught us that? Will my needs be met on an emotional level? Does love mean lack? Does it mean to stand by your man even when everything tells you to “Let It Burn” (song by Usher)? I was dating a guy, and I heard that song as I slept. I had not heard it in years, but it was clear what I needed to do.  I had taken him back after I discovered he cheated. He never stopped. He kept multiple relationships going simultaneously just got better at it. Typically, when we take them back, we only make them better at it.

 

We all want to feel loved. Some have grown to mask this fact with the “I don’t need a man” mentality is a trauma response. There is still work to do there; there is no self-mastery, nor is there self-love. In the context that I have heard this statement, this is usually the underlying condition. You know how someone may be experiencing issues with their eyes, it is treated, but the underlying condition may have to do with the liver.  Trauma responses such as the one stated above have underlying conditions, and we have to hear what is not said.

 

Desiring to feel loved so bad can send signals of desperation to predators causing more pain. The best medication for this is self-love. You have to get to know who you are, embrace everything about you, practice self-care, spend time alone studying yourself, and loving on you the way you want to be loved. When we do not do these things, we seek outside sources to make up for what we do not understand how to do ourselves. We become emotionally dependent on others to validate us and take it from a girl who battled rejection; this is not a safe road to travel. The destination ends in fragmentation that will leave you gasping for your next breath.

 

Apply these tips and begin to love yourself like never before. You will see a big difference in your outlook on being loved:

 

1.      Forgive yourself- Love you despite your past choices. Your past was the wisdom you needed for your right now. Please turn it on and live your life without the weight of decisions you made hanging on you.

2.     Start a journal-Write out your thoughts and feelings to get rid of the negative energy. Reflect on what you write so that you can track your progress. Seeing how we think on paper helps with a perspective change.

3.     Meditate-You can find guided meditations on YouTube. Start with 5 minutes per day, every day. There are tremendous benefits to this practice, including self-awareness which is the beginning of self-discovery.

4.     Pursue new interest- What is something you have always wanted to do, but you allowed excuses to get in the way? Pursue it!

5.     Travel- Learn new cultures

6.     Have fun by yourself-Learn to enjoy your won company

7.     Say NO-Being all things to all people was attached to you, desiring love so bad, changing that narrative, and practicing self-care by saying no. People-pleasing is a symptom of low self-esteem; seek a confidence coach’s help if you habitually do this.

8.    Practice self-care- Schedule a self-care day EVERY week.

 


Thanks for reading! Please share to your platforms encouraging others to love themselves as they desire to be loved if you enjoyed it. 

Say Hi On:




Visit my website 


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Relax & Recharge

  Have you ever been so tired, but you pushed yourself rather than relaxing? Did you find that your work was mediocre during this time? Usually, when fueled, you give your best, but lately, your body has been signaling the need to unplug, but you ignored all signs. I know you are tired of hearing about self-care practices, but we have to recharge as part of being our best selves wearing the many hats we do. Your cell phone battery dies when it is constantly in use without recharging. So why do we give a device a break and charge it but not our bodies? You are stressing your organs out, so do this for yourself and understand the value in some R&R.    Relaxing and Recharging do not always require going out of town, but if you can, do that too. I love the beach. The water is so relaxing; I can hear clearly and release any blocks that prevent my creativity from flowing. Finding that happy place for yourself is essential. Maybe a bookstore, a quick drive on the freeway listening to your

Family Anatomy, Wide Awake Part II

  So here I am in this lifeless city. How long will I be here this time? I do not want to get comfortable, but I have already been here two days too many. As I walked through looking for shelter, every street reminded me of my childhood. While I grew up devalued if I made the simplest mistake, male family members did the bare minimum and were exalted. If they failed, it was the women in the family's fault. I learned men were not to be held accountable early.  Wounds such as these were so deep I fought not to succumb to them. Even when I stood up for myself, I felt defeated. Men could do no wrong, but my breathing was an issue if I breathed too deeply. On many levels, I understood that growing up in a black household was one of the hardest things to do.  Explaining something to a man meant I castrated him with my mouth. Not being a doormat meant I was not submissive, and walking away told me I was weak. A woman can’t win. When did this start? Was it the misogyny we are governed by t

Identifying When To Invest In A Life Coach

Some life coaches have experienced trauma, healed and overcame it, and are now helping others. They have become who they need for others. Other times, they have mastered an area of their lives and are now helping others who exhibit gifts in that same area. Your need for a coach will depend on where you lack the knowledge or resources to accomplish your goals.   Coaching and consultants are taking the industry by storm. Anything you need, there is someone to help. It is a matter of finding them and making sure they are a good fit. By the end of this article, if you feel you need a coach but not in my area, please email me to help you find who you need.  Life Coaching does for the mind what a personal trainer does for the body. We help with assessing a situation to provide strategies for moving forward. It is a gradual process that allows individuals to dig beneath their thoughts and beliefs to help them understand internal obstacles to their success and wellbeing. Coaches help people