Skip to main content

When The 80/20 Rule Doesn't Apply

Remember the 80/20 rule mentioned in the Why Did I Get Married movie? Okay great! I will be talking about that relationally but not necessarily from the angle mentioned in the film. I learned a great lesson where this rule is concerned.  Great teachers imparted wisdom nuggets; others cost to obtain.  I was hitting my head repeatedly, eventually armed me with ways to stop injuring myself in that manner.  I was once a person who chose the background. No, I wasn’t humble; I did not believe in my ability to make my moves. However, I learned a lot that would be beneficial later down the road. I thought it was humility for some time; there were deeper roots that resulted in my doing this, I later discovered.

Well, I worked on many projects with various people. People noticed my get it done in an organized fashion mentality and wanted to work with me. I was precise with my work, I looked up what I didn’t understand, and I made it happen. I was the person to share a vision with if you needed someone to run. After running so much for so many different people, I found a common thread. It all ended in my demise, taking the blame for the breakdown, being ostracized, and ultimately made to feel as though I was the most complicated person on earth. It took me a while to process that someone made their suicide attempt about my decision to walk away from what they were doing. Leaders in an organization, those who led morning prayer, all stopped speaking to me because of the poison this person fed them. There was never any accountability for their role; it was always me. I can honestly say, rarely did I initiate, but I could finish. Unfortunately, the initiation was never spoken of, only my finish.

I dealt with attitudes before anyone caught mine; I dealt with intimidation, sabotage, and having my gifts minimized by people who I trusted at the time. I recall moments people gave me a particular task because they wanted me to fail. Sometimes I would see the plot twist in my dreams, which helped me escape the trap set. That only made the anger brew even more aggressively. I was putting in 80% to their 20%, and that was problem #1.  The 80/20 rule does not apply here. Under no circumstance should you ever give more to another’s vision than they give.  I kept my word, and I exceeded my part, but I wasn’t a pushover, and that led to a breakdown. I hit my head many times in this manner; it became hard to get me to work with anyone on anything. As I healed, I began building my table. I was no longer going to sit at a table just because I was invited only to be the topic of conversation once I left. I was not valued, and it was time for me to make my way. Today, there are many people with a misconception of who I am because of something someone I worked with told them. No one has any discernment. One day I am praised, and the next, I am crucified. Come on, people!
I gave my time, resources, finances, and knowledge. I missed sleep perfecting that which concerned someone else, and, in the end, the visionary discarded me.


  1. Take my advice, if you are going to assist with any project, make sure it’s in writing the capacity of the extent of work you need to do and do that only, no more, no less. 
  2. Your time is valuable, so make sure compensation is discussed and agreed upon before committing. Meditate on the decision and make sure it is best for you and your brand. 
  3. When and if you decide to proceed and notice an area that could use your skillset, remember what you agreed to do and again do that only.  
  4. Do not expose so much of you so soon or at all. When others notice your superpower that you can run with a vision and be successful, people get strange, so spare yourself.
  5. Spare your feelings when it comes to those who think they have mastered a level of professionalism until they met you. Build your table, the chairs, and decorate them. There’s so much I missed out on because of the damaging effects of working with people who made me feel like I was a problem when I did not march to the beat of their drum. I set the bar, and the better option was to bring it down rather than level up. Don’t let that be you; learn from my story. I am building, and I refuse to come down; if it doesn’t align with your goals, sever it a NO!

People will put a cap on your capacity by measuring your potential against theirs.

Thank you for reading this article. I hope the tips shared are beneficial to you and apply them when faced with similar situations. It is okay to say no if it does not work with your core values. As someone cleverly put it, “do not allow mercy to distort discernment.”

Visit My Website:

SOLO Coaching & Consulting LLC 

Say Hello On:


Tea & Talk with Toya





Popular posts from this blog

Identifying When To Invest In A Life Coach

Some life coaches have experienced trauma, healed and overcame it, and are now helping others. They have become who they need for others. Other times, they have mastered an area of their lives and are now helping others who exhibit gifts in that same area. Your need for a coach will depend on where you lack knowledge or resources to accomplish your goals.   Coaching and consultants are taking the industry by storm. Anything you need, there is someone to help. It is a matter of finding them and making sure they are a good fit. By the end of this article, if you feel you need a coach but not in my area, please email me to help you find who you need.  Life Coaching does for the mind what a personal trainer does for the body. We help with assessing a situation to provide strategies for moving forward. It is a gradual process that allows individuals to dig beneath their thoughts and beliefs to help them understand internal obstacles to their success and wellbeing. Coaches help people ide

#1 Most Scariest Rollercoaster

  As a child, I loved rollercoaster rides. It was the highlight of any vacation with my dad or whomever I went it. They were huge, scary, and got my adrenaline rushing every time. I enjoyed the thrill so much I wanted to take a spin repeatedly. It did not matter if these things had me hanging upside down, entering a dragon’s mouth, taking me underwater, or looped me faster than I can think. I wanted it. Boy, was it fun! Of course, I wouldn’t dare do it alone; I needed company to experience them with me. I wanted them to feel everything I felt; there was no way I needed to be there alone. The scariest ride was not one I experienced on vacation; I was in my hometown. I stood there pondering the outcome if I went there. The longer I thought about it, the deeper I traveled into my thoughts. I no longer had control, I lost myself in it, and at the time, it felt good. I felt empowered going there, although the side effects were dangerous. After I got off the ride and became aware of my surro

The Devaluing of the Single Mother

  Are you aware of the chatter? It’s heard loud and clear; secret thoughts are no longer private anymore. Like a car depreciating as it exits the car lot, single mothers are made to feel this way for giving life. I found that women with husbands are belittling us just as much as men are. Do we do anything right? I use to wonder why there was such a great fear behind being a single mother. Some would have rather died than to be marked with those scarlet letters. Many did not make it because bringing them forth was not an option due to the stigma.   Single mothers are targeted and verbally destroyed. And by all means, don’t be a black single mother, double whammy! Black women experience demonization for having children out of wedlock and for being a black woman. It is not enough that our menstrual is considered a curse; let’s take it a step further and apply that to our existence.   Did you hear about the law passed to wear the hair growing from our scalp freely; then we have to listen