Alone in the Dark, Volume II Part III: Love Bombing, Masks, and the Cycle That Hooks You

Just because someone does nice things does not mean they are nice people.

That is love bombing 101.

If you are easily enticed by gestures, they’ve got you.
If validation is what you seek, they now know exactly how to hook you.

And you need to be very careful with this, because this is how people are conditioned to accept abuse.

It starts with excess.

Overdoing the nice things.
Overcompensating.
Making you feel seen, chosen, special.

Then comes the explosion.

They blow up on you.
Hurt you.
Cross a line.

Afterward, they cry. They apologize. They say they were having a bad day. They insist they never meant to hurt you. They do the thing you like most.

You accept the apology.

And the cycle begins again.

I was beaten so badly once that I cried myself to sleep thinking about how I could take myself out. That night, my body shut down in ways I didn’t understand at the time; I wet the bed.

The abuser entered my grandmother’s room to apologize.

But by then, something in me had already shifted.

I wasn’t relieved.

I was waiting.

Waiting for it to happen again because I knew it would.

Cycles like these don’t always look the same, but they all share a common denominator. And once you learn it, you need to pay close attention.

Your person may never blow up on you physically.

Instead, they may ignore your birthday all day, then call late, acting as if they were just so busy they forgot. These people ruin every holiday in the most subtle ways, so you may not even realize it was intentional. Anything that you love, they ruin. Anything you do not like, they do. It is all intentional. 

They may do something you’ve already said you don’t like, disguise it as a kind gesture “for you,” and when you react, they call you ungrateful. Then they withhold affection, help, or support.

And when you try to explain it to others?

They spin the story.

Of course, they leave out the part where you clearly expressed your boundary.

It’s always the same sequence:

Manipulation.
Control.
Abuse.
Discard.
Replacement.

Never be excited when someone like this tries to reconnect.

Reconnecting doesn’t mean they miss you.

It means you survived the first round, and they want to finish the job.

It’s like whatever god they worship requires sacrifices.

And you are it.

There is something that happens psychologically during this phase. I’ve said it before, it feels like there’s a hook in your back. An emotional grip that makes it hard to break free, even when you know what’s happening.

Family does this.
Lovers do this.
Employers do this.
Friends do this.
Even children can do this.

Do not take anything lightly.

Listen attentively.
Speak less.

And when someone shows you their hand, please take it from me, believe them the first time. I was part of a five-year circus because I gave people the benefit of the doubt. Never do this!

You don’t have to make a scene.
You don’t have to explain.

Just slowly back away until you are completely out of dodge.

When dating or building friendships, avoid showing people where you live if you are not in a position to uproot and move.

Yes, it is that serious. Unless they live next door…..sigh

Because while some people are emotionally damaging, others are physically dangerous.

Nice gestures do not equal safety.

Church attendance does not equal character.
Volunteering does not equal integrity.
Giving to organizations does not equal accountability.

Many people look righteous in public while their private lives tell a very different story.

My mother had people so convinced of her image that when I told them I was no contact, they browbeat me with scripture. They told me I would miss God. They told me I was wrong.

Some of them lost me as a customer because of how they spoke on something they have no knowledge of.

And while it sounds unbelievable, I understand it.

If serial killers have defenders, why not her?
Why not your current partner?
Why not your father?
Why not your coworker?
Why not your friend?
Why not the minister at your church?

People have mastered wearing masks.

They can harm you with a smile on their face.
Be happy when you are hurting.
And disturbed when you are winning.

That disturbance won’t always be visible unless you catch the stare.

The narcissistic stare.

I saw it once in my aunt’s eyes as I spoke. I didn’t know then that I was feeding the enemy information. But her realizing I was onto them produced that look, and I turned just in time to catch it.

Do not underestimate anyone.

At all costs, become so independent that you do not need anyone, so you can walk away the moment you feel psychologically threatened.

Your peace is worth more than their approval.
Your safety is worth more than their mask.

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To be continued in Part IV of Alone in the Dark, Volume II.