Learning to Rest in a World That Called Us Lazy

Do you know how to rest?

Do you feel guilty when you’re relaxing?
Do you always feel like you need to be doing something?
Do you struggle to be still, even when your body is asking for it?

Are you resting as much as possible when you are releasing?

Life is in the blood.

Which means every month, when we menstruate, we are literally releasing life. That alone tells us everything we need to know about how sacred this phase of the cycle is — and how much care it deserves.

We should be resting.
Staying warm.
Replenishing nutrients.
Sipping herbal teas.
Moving slower.

Although I’m touching on one phase of the cycle, I was inspired to write this piece after seeing a comment from a man stating that Black women are lazy.

It stopped me in my tracks.

Because growing up, rest was never celebrated in my world.

Even after I completed my chores, if I decided to lay down and take a nap, I was often woken up and told to find something to do.

When I was pregnant, I slept a lot. My grandmother would constantly tell me that my daughter would be lazy because I slept so much.

At every stage of my life, I endured mentally and emotionally exhausting environments shaped by generational ignorance, survival conditioning, and unhealed trauma.

No matter what I did, it was never enough.

So when I hear someone say Black women are lazy, I don’t hear truth.

I hear inheritance.

I hear the echo of bloodlines where rest was never modeled.
Where exhaustion was normalized.
Where survival came before softness.
Where women carried everything and were still expected to keep moving.

I am quite sure the person who made that statement was exposed to women who never learned how to rest, not because they were lazy, but because no one ever taught them that rest was allowed.

Knowledge is increasing.
Times are changing.

Most of us are no longer glorifying working ourselves into the ground.

Because we now understand that rest is vital to our health: mentally, physically, emotionally, hormonally.

What I experienced growing up was so damaging that I had to be walked out of the constant “go mode” mindset by my therapist.

Years of forcing myself to stay awake.
Years of fighting naps.
Years of keeping my mind busy when my body was begging for stillness.

Eventually, my nervous system collapsed under the weight.

Even in my last relationship, during my menstrual phase, if I was relaxing when my ex came around, he would call me lazy.

As a Black woman, it felt like one thing after another to unpack.

I reached a point where I refused to pretend to be awake just to avoid being criticized.

I refused to perform productivity to make other people comfortable.

Here’s something many people don’t know:

As you begin healing and your nervous system begins to regulate, you will sleep more.

During the luteal phase (the phase before menstruation), many women naturally need more sleep.

This is biological.
This is hormonal.
This is wisdom.

I was offended by that blanket statement because I am a Black woman who finally learned how to rest in her forties.

And I know I’m not alone.

We are taking our power back.

Starting with rest.

A nap does not mean you are lazy.
Wanting to lay down does not mean you lack ambition.
Needing stillness does not mean you are falling behind.

Today, as you read this, do not allow another soul to make you feel bad for:

Sleeping in.
Taking naps.
Watching your favorite show.
Reading a book.
Doing absolutely nothing.

You work.
You raise children.
You cook.
You clean.
You carry emotional labor.
You hold families together.
You show up in a world that constantly demands from you.

You deserve rest in a way that feels good to you.

Establish this boundary.
Stand ten toes down in it.

Your free time is not your availability to others.

Women deserve soft lives.

And we can create them for ourselves.

Starting with rest.

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If you’re ready to deepen your relationship with your body, your cycle, and your natural rhythm, explore my eBook:

Moon Aligned
A Guide to Living in Sync with Your Cycle

Available now on my website.