The Rare Love Language

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We’ve all heard about the five love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts, and physical touch. And while those are important, I believe there’s another one that rarely gets the spotlight: consideration.

Consideration is a love language that doesn’t sparkle with grand gestures. It doesn’t always show up in roses, trips, or expensive gifts. It lives in the small, intentional acts that say, “I thought about you. I factored in your feelings. I cared enough to consider you.”

And yet, considerate people are rare. When you find them, you know. They make space for you without you having to beg. They remember the details you barely mentioned in passing. They take your feelings into account, even when it’s inconvenient for them.

Sadly, I’ve realized how rare this really is. I haven’t encountered true consideration in a long time. And I wish I had known then what I know now that when someone shows you consideration, you should treasure them, because it is indeed a love language.

Consideration looks like:

  • Sending a quick text to check in when you’ve been quiet.

  • Remembering your favorite snack or coffee order without being asked.

  • Including you in group plans, not as an afterthought but as a priority.

  • Listening without dismissing your feelings with phrases like, “It’s not about you.”

  • Giving you the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming the worst.

  • Sharing important news in real-time, because your presence matters.

I’ll never forget one particular moment when I felt the sting of being left out. A close relative nearly died and was rushed to the ICU. Everyone in the family knew the day it happened except for me. A day later, when I finally found out, the pain wasn’t just about the crisis itself but the fact that no one considered me. Yes, I understood the urgency of the situation. But if everyone else found out right away, why not me?

It wasn’t just about being uninformed; it was about being unseen. It reopened old wounds of being left out, dismissed, and told, “It’s not about you,” as if my feelings didn’t matter.

But consideration is about you. It’s about making space for how others feel, even in hard moments. It’s about valuing their presence and perspective.

The truth is, inconsideration chips away at relationships. It makes people feel small, invisible, or unworthy. But when consideration is present, it creates safety. It says: You matter. Your voice counts. Your presence has weight here.

So maybe it’s time we add a sixth love language to the list. Because consideration is more than courtesy, it’s love in action.

And when you find someone who loves you with consideration, hold onto them. They are rare, and they are gold.

Reflection Prompt:

Think about a time when someone was truly considerate of you. How did it make you feel, and what did it show you about love? Now, reflect on the opposite when your feelings weren’t considered. What did that teach you about what you will no longer accept?

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