Healing or Hiding? The Thin Line Between Avoidance and True Recovery

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For a long time, I thought I was healing.

I had cut ties with my family. I had moved forward, built my own stability, and promised myself I would never look back. In my mind, that was healing: walking away, refusing to engage, and closing the door on those who caused me pain.

But years later, a trigger hit me so hard it knocked the wind out of me. That’s when I realized: I wasn’t healing, I was avoiding.

Avoidance feels like healing because it creates space. It gives you breathing room. But it doesn’t deal with the wound; it just covers it up. I was living with unprocessed pain that resurfaced the moment life pressed the right button. And when that trigger showed up, all the anger, grief, and hurt came rushing back.

That’s when I knew: it was time to start over. This time, not with avoidance, but with healing.

I leaned into resources I once overlooked: therapy, journaling, holistic practices, and the guidance of coaches. Slowly, I stopped running from my pain and started facing it. I learned how to process it properly, how to sit with my feelings without drowning in them, and most importantly, how to accept what happened without letting it define me.

Acceptance became my breakthrough. It was the shift that turned avoidance into healing.

I knew I had truly healed, not just avoided, when I could be around the people who once tried to destroy me and not crumble. When I could tell my story without sobbing or shaking, I knew the wound had closed.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Healing doesn’t mean reconciling or returning. I still choose no contact with those who are unsafe or toxic. The difference is, I’m no longer avoiding them. My peace doesn’t depend on distance anymore; it lives inside of me.

Healing isn’t hiding. Healing is facing the pain, processing it, and choosing to release it so it no longer controls you.

 Reflection Prompt:
Think about a time you mistook avoidance for healing. What triggered you to realize there was still more work to do? How can you begin moving from avoiding to accepting today?

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