Villain Era
My now
20-year-old was several weeks old when we were out in the rain, awaiting a ride
to take us somewhere unknown. I had no idea where we were going because the
altercation that led to this was unexpected. My boundaries always made me the
villain in every story my family told, and that day was no different. My mother
had to uphold an image, and because I said something to her son in front of the
company, the image cracked slightly. It was so slight that it led me to put my
things outside to move out while my child's aunt (dad's side) held her. While
taking my stuff outside, my mother blocked me from getting the remainder of my
things and my baby. I repeatedly asked my mother to stop putting her hands on
me; by the third shove, we were fighting. She bit a plug out of my chest
because of the position she was in, and when I stumbled over an uneven step, I
got up with a shoe cleaner can in hand and struck her. The gash across her
face got the police called on me and my family, believing she saw the
devil come out of me. My mother convinced everyone who would listen
that I was evil, and to this day, this is how my family sees me. They only
adjust their lens if they need something.
I did
not know she said this until I was well into my thirties, but learning about it
explained a lot. So much made sense because I felt like what I experienced
growing up was somewhat worse after this incident. My grandmother threatened to
kill me if I came back to her house; an aunt once told me, "You can't be
that evil with such a sweet baby. One of my cousins, whom I had to drive to the
clinic, said she did not talk to me because they said I was evil. It took
me so long to accept that my family did not fuck with me like that and that I
would never really belong with them. They hate me, and that is okay. I never
did anything to them to bring about what I have experienced at their hands. It
is what it is. Maybe if I had been born a boy, my grandmother and her daughters
would have treated me better, considering the males in the family could rape
their siblings and never wear the scarlet E. It was difficult growing up around
male-centered pick-mes who were so envious of my resilience that they lay in
wait for my fall, ready to pounce the moment those women thought they could boast,
proclaiming I am who they have convinced others I am.
Character
assassination was my mother's greatest weapon used to destroy me. She could put
her hands on me, but that would heal, but to convince people she knew did not
like me anyway that I am the spawn of the devil was a no-brainer. Everyone
telling me every time I opened my mouth that my attitude was terrible taunted
me for years. I went through life suppressing my voice and letting others walk
all over me to avoid my actions aligning with her lies. Yes, I can get active,
but that was not my day-to-day. If you have ever experienced narcissistic
abuse, then you understand my upbringing and how strong my frame of mind is
with them. However, I did not want to wear that crown because there was so much
more to me. I've accomplished so much, yet only how I respond to disrespect
gets highlighted. Sadly, I went through life dealing with this in partners as
well, treated like shit until I reacted. That's when I became the problem.
It was
too easy for my family to get on my mother's bandwagon when they had a common
issue with me. Hell, my aunt realized it, too, and used it to her advantage.
She convinced them to force me to help her with her three children because none
of the fathers were there. My mother and grandmother called me on three-way,
cursing me out for attending a football game, leaving her alone and pregnant
with her kids. Abusers do this, which they all are, be it emotional, mental, or
physical. Rather than break these cycles, my family chooses to continue them
because it benefits them. As I studied our family dynamic, I realized that
because they are all manipulators, they feed off each other. Whomever they
need, the common enemy becomes their enemy, too, until they get what they need.
Everything with them is transactional, and they only care about themselves.
You better know who you are when people must team up with others to
destroy you!
My
grandmother, mother, and aunts have never come against any family member like
they have done to me. The people we learn to be loyal to and choose over
everything left me for dead on multiple accounts. My brother and cousins never
miss a beat. Considering everything they have done and said, our experiences
will never be the same. Someone shows up for them every time. At 41, with a
career, having raised my child, and I do not need them for anything, I am okay
with being whatever the fuck they say about me. When you need people, they can
control you. I am unsure when I stopped worrying about what anyone thinks of
me, but that's where I am. All of my life, my family has tried to break me, but
they never could. I am still standing, and I will continue. I will be the
person the devil came out of for them.
I've set
boundaries, and I am prioritizing myself over everyone. No one will come before
me. I have had to figure everything out all my life; I was never worth
rescuing, nor did I deserve the resources others got. My family chose to help
relatives that treated them like shit. Let's see how that works out in the end.
I have accepted that the Porter family will never accept me, so I am moving on
and living the rest of my life detached. They were the portals that reared me,
and those experiences have helped me on my path.
"The "villain era" is prioritizing
oneself over others and embracing less acceptable parts of yourself. It
can involve:
- Setting and
enforcing boundaries
- Choosing
yourself
- Honoring your
limitations
- Prioritizing
pleasure
- Taking instead
of giving
- Walking away
from what no longer serves you
- Speaking up for
yourself
- Saying no
The
term is not about being mean, exacting revenge, or tapping into dark side
motives. Instead, it's about being true to yourself, empowering yourself,
and defying other people's expectations."
Thanks for reading; your villain era is upon you; be
great.
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