You Have Not Because You Ask Not
There was a situation after my pastor told me God would bless me with a home, a lady congratulated me and offered to furnish my daughters’ room. I thought how nice, but when the house manifested, she told me she would discuss it with her husband. I never heard back from her. A word of Knowledge came forth one Sunday morning; my daughter learned she’d be a young millionaire, so many offered to help, but I was sent to one person after the other when I had questions. Those very people avoided answering questions. It was so apparent by the looks on their faces they did not want to help. I was only going to those who offered their help. It was disheartening. I could not understand why open your mouth if you didn’t mean it?
Another instance happened when someone knocked on my door; it was a friend at the time. She asked me if I needed money. I thought it strange, but I said of course I do. So, she handed me an envelope and said, “God said to give this to you.” It was enough to pay the bill I needed help with and purchase something to cook, I felt good about it, but then something shifted. I had a dream her husband cursed her out for giving me the money. I wrote the vision in my journal but did not speak on it. I was heartbroken; it would have been too hard to talk about too soon. Later that week, she called me saying that she asked her mother in law if she did the right thing. After hearing her and recalling the dream, I was so upset that I wanted to give it all back and not speak to them ever again. I tried giving it back several times, but something happened, preventing it. When she finally came clean about her doubt and her husband’s response, I told her everything he said before she could, and it stunned her. I did not ask for it, she came to my house, but I felt like I shouldn’t have taken it deep down. That feeling only added to the disappointment and sent me spiraling. I was never able to trust either of them again after that fully.
A member of my family journaled that I needed a reality check because I asked her for gas money. She wrote on a few pages how she felt about me asking her for help. I read it because years after I gave her the journal, she gave it back, thinking she had not used it. It said, “Toya needs a reality check. I was going to give her $40, but we decided on $20.” I don’t know which was worse, her having to ask her husband if she could give it to me or reading that. Eventually, I received the money, but I felt there were some ill feelings behind it. I told myself repeatedly, “I do not want to be in this situation anymore.” I hated asking for anything because my own family treated me like this. I had to heal; I needed to because this mindset was a block for me. Everyone did not have ill intentions, but I missed those opportunities because I thought everyone would do me the same way.
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