Skip to main content

We Behave According To Our Beliefs



I have an example I will use. Plug it into your particular thought process to determine if it is healthy for you or not. The way we think explains the emotions and responses we have to things, and those emotions grant a greater understanding of why we behave the way we do.  The Bible says: “in all thy getting, get understanding.” As a Belief Therapist, I have observed and understood why we do the things we do. Some people have good intentions, but along the way, they have picked up toxic traits that keep them bound, unable to live the life God has for them entirely. God does not want anyone in different relationships every six months. Yes, I put an s on relationships, but that is what it has come to for some. We’ve made a relationship a method of coping with what’s going on internally. We’ve opted for new victims rather than a therapist.


I can’t believe my ears! I don’t trust women, he said. Why? I don’t trust women because of what I saw. What did you observe, I asked? None of them were faithful.  That was a lot for me to take in. I had not been made aware of his behaviors before this conversation. Still, as it unfolded, this belief led him to live a risky life of multiple sex partners at once, habitual lying, deceit, unhappiness, and an inability to live. Because he believed women aren’t to be trusted, he acted as such. He dated multiple women at once; he led them all to believe they held a position they did not, and that marriage was their result.  A person like this could not properly sleep because they had to think of the next thing continually. Can you imagine living like this? You don’t trust them, so you hurt them. You break them because a woman injured you, and rather than face this part of yourself and heal, you bleed the hurt on everyone you encounter.  By age seven, a child’s subconscious has been shaped by what is said and done before them. This person was well in their thirties, still living life as a broken little boy who needed validation his parentals did not give him. Women became an addiction to fill deeply unfulfilled needs. Ultimately, it is up to us to decide to do right because, despite what we saw, we know what we are doing is wrong. The inability to make the right decision is a sign of a seared moral compass.


Some beliefs can ultimately destroy lives and others in their paths. We must arrive at a point where we examine the hurt and pain, trace the origin, and heal properly. Some will not condone going back, but some doors have to be closed before moving forward.  How can a person in this position move forward without having a conversation or writing an unsent letter to the parental that scared them?

What do we believe?

Why do we believe that?

Who told us that?

Where has that belief system gotten you?


Ask yourself, is this healthy? In the example above, that would be a NO! This person runs the risk of impregnating multiple women, spreading STDs, damaging good women emotionally, being physically hurt by a scorned woman, never living, and enjoying life, ending up alone.  We have to dig if we want to heal. Roots grow deep, and sometimes they are hard to pull up. With help, they can come up, but there has to be a willingness to do the work. Reread this if you must to determine how I was able to gather this by asking simple questions. Then use this example for every belief that may erect over ten days. Grab a journal and get to organizing those beliefs. You deserve better, just like the person in the example. But you have to want better.


Common Beliefs:

1.       I can’t trust anyone.

2.       Nobody loves me.

3.       Good people do not exist.

4.       Love hurts.

5.       Time heals all wounds.

6.       Expressing your feelings is disrespectful.

7.       Therapy is for crazy people.

8.       If you stop thinking about it, it will go away.

9.       A new hairdo means a fresh start.

10.   Money is the root of all evil.

11.   The world is not safe.





    I love hearing your thoughts; please email me at to let me know how this helped you. Don’t forget to share this link with a friend or two. 


Popular posts from this blog

Relax & Recharge

  Have you ever been so tired, but you pushed yourself rather than relaxing? Did you find that your work was mediocre during this time? Usually, when fueled, you give your best, but lately, your body has been signaling the need to unplug, but you ignored all signs. I know you are tired of hearing about self-care practices, but we have to recharge as part of being our best selves wearing the many hats we do. Your cell phone battery dies when it is constantly in use without recharging. So why do we give a device a break and charge it but not our bodies? You are stressing your organs out, so do this for yourself and understand the value in some R&R.    Relaxing and Recharging do not always require going out of town, but if you can, do that too. I love the beach. The water is so relaxing; I can hear clearly and release any blocks that prevent my creativity from flowing. Finding that happy place for yourself is essential. Maybe a bookstore, a quick drive on the freeway listening to your

Family Anatomy, Wide Awake Part II

  So here I am in this lifeless city. How long will I be here this time? I do not want to get comfortable, but I have already been here two days too many. As I walked through looking for shelter, every street reminded me of my childhood. While I grew up devalued if I made the simplest mistake, male family members did the bare minimum and were exalted. If they failed, it was the women in the family's fault. I learned men were not to be held accountable early.  Wounds such as these were so deep I fought not to succumb to them. Even when I stood up for myself, I felt defeated. Men could do no wrong, but my breathing was an issue if I breathed too deeply. On many levels, I understood that growing up in a black household was one of the hardest things to do.  Explaining something to a man meant I castrated him with my mouth. Not being a doormat meant I was not submissive, and walking away told me I was weak. A woman can’t win. When did this start? Was it the misogyny we are governed by t

Identifying When To Invest In A Life Coach

Some life coaches have experienced trauma, healed and overcame it, and are now helping others. They have become who they need for others. Other times, they have mastered an area of their lives and are now helping others who exhibit gifts in that same area. Your need for a coach will depend on where you lack the knowledge or resources to accomplish your goals.   Coaching and consultants are taking the industry by storm. Anything you need, there is someone to help. It is a matter of finding them and making sure they are a good fit. By the end of this article, if you feel you need a coach but not in my area, please email me to help you find who you need.  Life Coaching does for the mind what a personal trainer does for the body. We help with assessing a situation to provide strategies for moving forward. It is a gradual process that allows individuals to dig beneath their thoughts and beliefs to help them understand internal obstacles to their success and wellbeing. Coaches help people