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What Deny Your Feelings Sounds Like

Photo by STEPHEN POORE on Unsplash

I remembered these words “Just Be Nice” spoken to me often. After hearing it one too many times, my inner man rejected it, and I rebelled. I began to become frustrated, and I felt pimped.  It did not matter how deplorable treatment towards me was; I was encouraged to remain silent, translating into denying my feelings and suck it up. You need them right now, so chill out; you may need them in the future, so don’t start anything; you are wrong for how you feel, the violation is acceptable, it is okay to be mistreated and mishandled, it is okay to receive less than what I deserve from man. Just be nice to them and not hold anyone accountable for their ways and how they mistreat me. Suck it up and keep pushing; the 2% is better than nothing. However, it is a different story if someone says I am the culprit. It is “off with her head at that point.”


This magnitude of settling is an automatic response due to conditioning. We watched it play out like a movie, and we were encouraged to go against how we felt, be nice, and stick it out.  Deny how you feel, abandon yourself, and deal with it. We suffer for righteous sake is misused and has given some a pass to justify suffering at the hands of hurt people.  Why is expressing your feelings or being aware of someone’s mentally fragmenting behavior mean you are not nice? What is nice anyway?  If it means to remain silent and not speak out against unfair treatment, then I am not a nice person after all.


Who taught us to be quiet? Secrets are destroying people. Many are bound to secrets, trauma, and unspoken pain because to speak is not pleasant, it’s not loyal, and it protects the image the abuser has taught you to create for them. God forbid we talk about parental abuse or neglect; what would anyone think of us. “That’s still your” another phrase projected onto a society who Uncle Ray Ray or Auntie Sally has touched, but because that is family, be nice, they did not mean it. You know how they are. Did it kill you? It happened to me, and I turned out fine. These are the responses; these are the attitudes; these are the symptoms of predisposed trauma. Denying your experience sounds just like this. Emotional chaos is birth at the point of denial.


Common Situations


He beats you but be nice, so he can keep coming home to pay the bills. 

He sees other women but be nice because he is coming home to you every night.

He curses you out because he can’t have his way but be nice; he is just going through a lot. 

He takes care of his child when he feels like it but be nice because it’s hard out here for men.

He knows you need help and manipulates you to get back in good; you see this, but be nice so that you won’t miss your blessing.


Yes, everything is a blessing at the expense of your soul’s health. What have we done to our people?



Toxic Advice  


It’s okay; he loves you; if he didn’t, he would not be there. Put a little make-up on; it will be alright. I am sure he did not mean it; he got caught up. The man has a lot on his mind. 

Getting hit occasionally is okay; he takes care of the home, so he loves you. The children see it then begin to act it out at school. No one understands, so they are drugged and labeled. 


Expect the cheating mistake, and you should not be concerned if he is coming home to you every night. This mindset is why many are stuck in motionless relationships, an area to heal in most of us. Even when we roll up on the other woman’s house, we still have that second chance in us, further shattering what’s already fractured. Two-parent homes were great until we found out about the siblings down the street. We watched mom hold it together and never broke a sweat, so that has been internalized as the strength of a woman if she can bear that and still keep it together.  Now we have a generation of “I don’t need a man” type of women who want one, but seeing Momma do it solo has made them feel that expressing their true desires is a sign of weakness. Momma had a man, honey; she could not bring him around you all because her sugar daddy the government would not allow it. #BeFree


He can go through and project it onto you, but since you are the strong one, you better not call him out on it, that’s disrespectful, and men need respect.  Doing so will make you wrong. The narcissist will call his narcissistic mother, who will then blame you and question your loyalty because you refused degradation. We live in a time where men are continually being upheld in their error while women endure emotional destruction for not tolerating it. I saw this growing up, and until I began my healing journey, my perception of men was flawed.


Don’t put him on child support; why would you involve the government? He is trying, leave the man alone. You are strong, remember. It’s okay if you sacrifice to let that man be a man. It’s okay if you have to work two jobs, it will pay off in the end. You are horrible for needing a break. Moms don’t get a break. Let that man work so he can take care of his family. He got another baby on the way. He comes around sometime; you want him to stop completely? Please take what you get because he could not do anything. Settle for the 2%. 


Daddy, can you buy some food?

You all don’t have food?

No, and I’m hungry.

Okay, I will be there soon. 

Dad arrives with two bags, frozen pizza, and hot dogs. Did not say much to the child that called him because he is in the mother’s face. He then tries to find a way in by pretending to care and offer help. “I am here when you need me.” And she dares not say, “you have a child here; you should always be when he/she needs.” Doing that would not be pleasant. Just two bags and children are out of school should not be addressed either because you are ungrateful. 




We settle because we are afraid of lack and that to have something, even if it is just 2%, is better than nothing at all. The 2% is labeled a blessing, but from whom, God? What god? The God card has become a fluff. It is just something cute and nice to say to make people think you are spiritual while your behavior reveals your soul’s darkness. There is matter; then there is anti-matter. Beliefs and thought processes have darkened us. Experiences have darkened us. We are in pursuit of protection from negative energy when we are full of it ourselves. Just be nice has created slaves. It has made prostitutes. We give up ourselves by being excellent for the 2% all the time.





During my study time, I looked up the word nice. I was interested in a deeper study, so I visited a website that offered words’ etymology. In one translation, the word nice meant foolish, ignorant, senseless, weak, simple, silly, foolish, and unaware. The next time someone tells you to “be nice,” this is what they are saying. Be that simple, silly woman spoken about in the Bible. We have been so conditioned to tolerate the abuse that we feel wrong to do anything different. Remember words cast spells, hence SPELLing. Until we study and understand what we are saying, we will constantly battle circumstances and blame the devil for what we created with our words.

Thanks for reading!


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