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The Silent Sabotage of Flattering Words

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There’s a kind of praise that doesn’t feel like love; it feels like a setup. It’s praise laced with poison. I didn’t realize this was a thing until I slowed down and paid attention. The truth is, we will always find what we need to liberate us when we get quiet and observe. But before I learned to do that, I used to mistake every hand clap as encouragement, every smile as support, and every “you’d be great at this” as genuine belief in me. But some praise doesn’t come from a pure place. Have you ever had someone constantly praising you for something you never said you wanted to do? They bring it up in every conversation, encouraging you to pursue it, even though you only ever treated it as a passing interest. And strangely enough, the things you know you’re truly good at, the passions that keep you up at night, they never mention those. Almost like they don’t see them… or maybe don’t want to. I fell for this trap more times than I’d like to admit. I allowed praise to divert my course. ...
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The Strength Is In Letting Go

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  I never want anyone to say I am a good person and then describe me as a woman who "held on" while I was being dragged through the mud. That is not strength, that is survival at the expense of my soul. And honestly, it is more frightening than holding on out of fear. When I sat down and really thought about it, asking myself why I kept holding on, the truth hit me: I didn't want to lose. The humiliation of betrayal made me feel like I was already losing, and holding on, no matter how destructive, felt like a way to soften the blow. I don't fully understand the correlation yet, but I know this: I equated letting go with defeat. I thought staying meant I still had control. But let me tell you this, there is no victory in bleeding out while clutching the very thing that cut you. I am not writing this to dwell on pain, but to help you heal as you read. To help you recognize the same pattern in yourself if it's there. Because once you see it, you can free yourself. Ye...
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Redefining Strength

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Why must my scars be the proof of my resilience? Why must I bleed just to be seen as unbreakable? I am tired of strength being measured in bruises, in silence, in how much hell I can endure without collapsing. Strength is not swallowing pain until it drowns me. Strength is spitting it out, naming it, and refusing to carry what was never mine. You call me strong because I “survived you.” But survival is not the badge you think it is. It is evidence of war, a war I never signed up for. My strength is not in patching wounds you created. It is in refusing to let you cut me again. Strength is not carrying dysfunction on my back like a twisted inheritance. It is breaking generational chains so my daughter will never confuse pain with love, and my son will never call control protection. Strength is not forgiveness without accountability. It is boundaries without apology. It is walking away without looking back. You thought I stayed because I was tenacious. No, I stayed because I wa...
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Stop Pouring Into Broken Cups

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  I remember sitting on the phone one night, listening to someone I care about spiral. They were venting, going in circles, asking “why me” for the hundredth time. I stayed on the line, patient, letting them unload. When they finally stopped to breathe, I gave them advice that came straight from the heart. It was clear, it was honest, it was what they needed to hear. And you know what they did? They brushed it off. A week later, they were back with the same story, same drama, same tears, using my words, but not applying them. It was like they borrowed my wisdom just long enough to patch up their mask, so they could keep playing the same game. That’s when it clicked: not everyone wants help. Some people want their egos stroked. Some want sympathy. And some just want to drain your energy so they can keep living in dysfunction a little longer. Here’s what I’ve learned: people can only receive advice at the level of the emotions they’re resonating with in that moment. If they’re angry,...
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I Finally Know Why

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For years, a question lived in the back of my mind. It was quiet but heavy, shaping how I showed up in the world. Why me? Why do I never get the same empathy I see poured into others? This morning at 8am, the answer showed up not once, but twice. Two posts back-to-back that finally closed the chapter on a question I didn’t even realize was still bleeding me. And in that moment, I felt a shift. A release. The truth is, the signs are always around us. Answers don’t come how we imagine, but when they’re for us, there is an inner pause causing us to slow down and take in the information. This was mine. Here’s the raw question:   Why is it that when I’m drowning, the people closest to me never reach out a hand the way I’ve seen them do for others? I watched my mother, grandmother, and aunts pour compassion into people who created their chaos, without judgment, shame, or lectures. Just help. But me? I was treated like the problem. Ashamed. Dismissed. Degraded. I’ll never forget the day I...
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A New Book

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I’ve been trapped in the same book. Rewriting the chapters that always ended the same. A story of repeated cycles finding my way out, only for the same spirit in a different form to drag me back to the same start. Love didn’t free me. Parties weren’t freedom either. New friends felt familiar, like déjà vu wrapped in false hope. Same script, different cast. But today, I set the book on fire. Forty-one years of recycled pain, burned to ash. This next book? It will not be predictable. It will not repeat. The characters will be new. The ending a plot twist no one saw coming. I’m leaving it all behind. You will never see me the way you knew me. I won’t return to this space, this energy, this endless grieving I’ve carried for the last twenty-one years. Today, with pen in hand, I write freedom. Freedom to create. Freedom to choose who gets access. Freedom to taste joy without apology. Freedom to do me for me. To everyone from the prior book, I wish you the ...
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The Advice They Give

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  Have you ever really paid attention to the advice people give you? When was the last time you were out with your girls, chatting it up, and you mentioned a situation in your relationship, only to be met with advice that made you pause? It sounded good, but deep down… something was off. Maybe you’ve opened up to a friend about the toxic relationship you were finally escaping, and she advised you to stay because “at least he pays all the bills.” Or maybe a relative told you, “A man will be a man,” while his betrayal was destroying you emotionally. And let’s not forget the advice from certain religious leaders that has kept women stagnant for decades, never empowering them to rise, only teaching them to stay low, silent, and humble, even when their spirit was dying inside. Seriously, pay attention to what people are saying to you. A lot of the time, the advice people give reveals more about their mindset , their hidden feelings about you , or their need for control than it does a...
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